Friday, January 29, 2010

It's all downhill from here (in a good way).

Would you ever take a journey if you knew ahead of time that you'd become hopelessly lost, have your heart broken into pieces, and sometimes wish you'd never been born?

Now, how about if you knew ahead of time that on that very same journey you'd also find yourself, fall passionately in love, and live happily ever after?

Yeah, I know, you made the same choice a long, long time ago.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

i'll take a Bentley

People who do all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, no matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, simply have more fun. Way.

Of course, to the uninitiated it doesn't appear that way. To them it appears as if only those taking gigantic leaps, who drive cars with fancy wheels, have loads of friends, perfect bodies, and fly around the world in First Class Sleeper Seats, are having fun. But what they don't realize is that we're often talking about the very same folks, just at different points in their journey.

Coffee, tea, or a brand new Bentley?

You see, your unending baby steps will be matched by my own, and the next thing you'll know MTV Cribs will be knocking at your door.

Monday, January 18, 2010

my first "creation"
this is so fun =)
and very unproductive of me LOL

Expecting "end results"

- such as wealth and abundance, health and harmony, friends and laughter - in broad brush strokes, is part of the secret formula for manifesting the life of your dreams.

Expecting your path to follow a certain route - such as writing a bestseller to accumulate wealth, having a particular someone fall in love with you, or insisting upon this idea, that diet, or the other invention to be your deliverance - is just plain messing with the cursed hows and severely limits my options...

Release any expectations you may have of how you think your dreams will come true, but by all means, with every fiber of your being, expect that they will, as you busy yourself enjoying who and where you already are

Friday, January 15, 2010


truly, a gift

Some people just have big hearts. And with this gift they're very often able to feel, offer, and show far more love than they receive from those around them. Which, at times, is a heavy load to bear. The sun asks not that the moon and planets help brighten each day, but relishes her role as a keeper of the light and a bringer of the dawn.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

How to Celebrate a Beautiful Anniversary

I'm becoming more and more convinced that I should change my career to a professional special event card chooser(still thinking of a more appealing job title). When looking for a card, I spend more than a "normal" amount of time doing it. I just think to myself, what set of words really hits the heart. Everything you felt but couldn't think of the words to describe it and somehow, somewhere, someone did. <3
I LOVE CARDS!!! I know some people don't appreciate them...but I DO.

I chose this card for a couple who is celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

Recall the years
you've spent together, making a home, building a life. Each year is a unique blend of ups and downs, fresh starts, and happy endings. Replay the memories. Retell the stories.

Reaffirm the friendship
at the heart of your romance. To be loved for who you are is a rare gift. Hold hands. Laugh a lot. No matter how busy life is, make time for togetherness.

Reflect upon the lessons time has taught you. The importance of patience, the art of compromise. The healing power of forgiveness. Marriage takes effort and giving with your whole hearts. Be proud of what you have together.

Renew your commitment,
knowing that a good marriage is a lifetime of "I do's." Savor the privelege of being companions on life's journey. Daydream about all that's still to come.

In this great big world, you each found just the right person to love, just the right person to love you. And you get to spend the rest of your lifed with that one special someone. On your anniversary and every day of your marriage.

Remember how lucky you are
...and be happy.

daily dose

It only seems like others have it all figured out, tera; that their challenges are simpler, their friends are jollier, and their grass is greener. But, tera, you should hear how they admire you.

And perhaps, tera, whatever others have figured out, it's because they get to have you as one of their jolly, green friends..

work it


"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred & rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others & turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices & experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal & emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, & you can remember the pain & reach out to them." -Jennifer James

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

5 douchebag behaviors explained by science

There are men whose very appearance can compel you to turn your head in disgust, muttering the word "douche" in a long whisper. They're flexing in their skin-tight t-shirt, invading women's personal space at the bar and going on and on about their goddamn promotion.

For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag?" science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question.

The child who screams "Look at me! Look at me!" is all grown up and he can't wait to tell you about himself. You want to talk about the football game last night? He'll talk about how he quarterbacked his high school football team to the state championships. Wondering about a good place to grab a bite to eat? He'll tell you he can make reservations anywhere because he's the man. Concerned about poverty in Africa? Why the fuck do you care! This dude has banged like twenty models! Seriously, you're talking to a legend, and he'll be the first to remind you of this fact.
The Disorder:

Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. The disorder is characterized as an overwhelming desire to be noticed and willingness to engage in any attention-seeking behavior. This was the kid who was the first to jump off the high dive--if there was an audience to watch him.

These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. Those with HDP have a self-esteem that is dependent on the approval of others and they posses no clear concept of self worth. They're way more likely to lash out at criticism or disapproval than they should be. They'll flirt with anyone, any time. They tend to mistake any attention as sexual attraction ("I'm tellin' ya, she totally wants me, bro"). Their opinions are easily influenced by others, and they find it difficult to support them if pressed for details. They travel in packs.

The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thusly, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.

The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, we don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in our hands and watching our body turn to dough.
The Disorder:

Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". This mental illness is seen as a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe.

Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goal for some young men. They carry the notion of always being too "small" and "thin" into their adult years, after they've become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. Media has also had its impact, parading images of perfect pecs and washboard abs. Who honestly thinks that stuff is attractive? Seriously.

Alright, even we can admit that the occasional push-up, or marathon 25 turn Mario Party session on Wii can help you feel better, but for these men it's never enough. In 2000, researchers discovered a man who abstained from sex with his wife in order to focus all his energy on working out.

If you are worried you may have bigorexia ask yourself a few simple questions; How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror since starting this article? Do you think that Carrot Top "looks good but could use some work on his delts"? Does your desire for a ripped body make you act like a total douchebag?


This heavy-drinking ass stumbles around parties, slobbering on strangers and telling people how buzzed he is... after two beers. Later in the night, after he's polished off his second six-pack, he'll tell you he's cool to drive home, just after he finishes pissing on your living room couch. This guy never seems to know where he's at on the sobriety scale, although on the douche scale he's always a perfect 10.
The Disorder:

This guy displays signs of what is known as the Mallenby effect. Basically, this causes a person to overestimate the effects of alcohol during the first few drinks (called the "absorption phase" by people who study drunkenness) and will underestimate them later in the night (during the "elimination phase"). If you want to see this concept in action, buy a lot of nonalcoholic beer for a party full of teenagers. If drinking with teens isn't your thing (and legally it shouldn't be anyone's "thing") then check out most college frat parties where the masses will start screaming "WHOO!!!" within the first 15 minutes that the keg is tapped, long before their system has actually had the chance to absorb any alcohol into the blood stream.

Later, the same people will physically display all signs of being drunk, but will claim to be sharp as a tack, because, as they'll tell you, they drink so much that it, like, would totally take all the booze in this place to get them drunk. Then they'll plow their Mustang into a drainage ditch and take a swing at a cop.

Don't step on his shoes, don't make incidental eye contact and don't talk to his girlfriend. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, don't talk to any girls because they could be his girlfriend, someday. It doesn't take a whole lot to set this type of guy off, and after he's pissed, screaming and swinging you'll wish you'd actually done something worthy of such a tantrum.

He's easy to pick out in a crowd, there'll be one man yelling while everyone else in the crowd exchanges confused glances along with sympathetic shrugging shoulders. He's the screaming one, the one trying to finish an imaginary fight with a person who didn't start it. A douche that can't be ignored.
The Disorder:

This is a classic case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. This guy is a time bomb, and nobody can see the timer but him--he can go off at any moment. Although his aggression normally isn't life threatening, it's really fucking irritating. Medically diagnosed IED is defined as a behavioral disorder characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive and violent outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation. Wearing a sleeveless rayon body vest while stinking like Axe body spray is common but unfortunately correlation does not equal causation.

A 2006 study by the National Institute of Mental Health has determined the condition to be more prevalent than previously thought, affecting around 2 out of every 25 adult Americans, most commonly seen in male youths. How the researches went about collecting data is not disclosed, though we hope they ruined many a striped shirt on nickel-beer-night while gathering subjects' reactions.

Cases of road rage, domestic abuse and destruction of property usually involve one or more parties with the disorder. Often those with IED will feel a great deal of regret or remorse if bodily harm or destruction of personal possessions occurs. It's uncertain if the same remorse is felt after chewing out a waitress for forgetting to refill a water glass, though the spit and pubes now hidden in the rest of their meal may balance out the situation.

This disorder can become a severe disruption in the lives of the afflicted but medications can be prescribed to help alleviate anger impulses. We are not licensed to give medical advice here, but if we were we'd suggest taking muscle relaxers, washed down with your favorite liquor, to help calm the nerves. Now go warm up in a hot tub and feel those angry thoughts drift away

It seems no matter where you go there's a grumpy asshole making things awkward for everybody. He'll bitch about why his coupons aren't scanning at the checkout. He'll complain when someone has an accent while in America. And that goddamn hip-hop is always too loud! He won't hesitate to tell you about how much better things were in the past, before the whole world turned against him.
The Disorder:

This man is suffering from what is known as andropause or "male menopause." It's a frustrated state accompanied by anxiety and anger resulting from a lack of testosterone, the production of which diminishes in midlife. The term "male menopause" can also be used as an early detection method, since most men with IMS will hear this term and respond with a loud grunt while shouting about "New Age psychobabble bullshit."

The onset of this disorder is common at ages 40 to 55 but may happen as early as 35 or as late as 65. Although, a definite age is difficult to pinpoint if the male in question has been a prick their whole life.

The development of IMS is also dependent on environmental factors associated with stress, such as uncertain financial security, strained personal relationships and whatever happens to be wrong with kids these days. The physical symptoms (which can include loss of sex drive, loss of physical strength and increase in body fat) only exasperate the sense of frustration and nervousness and increases behaviors that society classifies as douchebaggery.

There are free tests and screenings available online to check for IMS, but if you already have it, you probably think the internet is a waste of time for freaks and perverts.

top fails of 2009

high five me

The Classic
1. Always initiate. He who launches the high-five owns the high-five. Engage your upper-arm muscles, keep your wrist firm, and propel your hand like the meteor of awesome it is. (Maintain altitude and an open hand — this ain't no fist bump.) Your high-five can only surrender.

2. Don't look at the hand. That looming palm is a moving, unpredictable target. Instead, keep your eye on the elbow; that'll automatically line up your mitts.

3. Cup your palm. As you reach the high point of the arc, make your hand slightly concave to create that satisfying thunderclap.

The Todd

Is your hero the misunderstood, hypersexual surgeon on Scrubs? Divert attention from pending sex-harassment suits by courting favor with coworkers. Snip the sleeves off your shirt and give 'em some skin!

1. If your mark is reluctant, play the pity card, imploring him to "show the [your name here] some love."

2. Now hit his hand as hard as you can. You should hear a whip-crack.

3. Snap your fingers.

The Top Gun

Is your ego writing checks your body can't cash? You and your wingman require a sick move to show up those who don't feel the need for speed.

1. Initiate the classic move (impact at 12 o'clock), but make contact with only the outside edge of your hands.

2. Move your bogies past one anothers' and arc downward 180 degrees to slap a low five in the 6 o'clock position.

3. Howl, as if at the moon.

The 21 Jump Street
Sure, your crack team never lets the captain down, but how do you show you've got each others' backs? Why, a multiman high-five, of course. There's no actual slap here, but your crew does things its own way.

1. Stand in a circle and extend your right hands into the middle.

2. Wiggle your fingers while moving your hands upward in unison.

3. At the peak, form your hands into pistols and fire into the air.


The BIG THING rarely happens when you ask for it, nor does it typically come from who or where you expect. It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn't even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible to foresee.

So, chill. Be patient. Enjoy the moment. And let your friends, employers, and partners off the hook. Besides, they're going to have enough to deal with when the BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.

Patience is cool, really cool.

Monday, January 11, 2010


2 for 1 deal with 10 gallons purchase of gasoline from shell...YEEEEE

daily dose

Thanks, Tera, for every single time you ever fell in love.

Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or not you were loved back.

It changed everything.

Actually, Tera, you're always loved back...

Friday, January 8, 2010

starting new

Among inventions, the "Undo" button is right up there with the very greatest of all time, but it'll never compare to the "Do" button, from which worlds are born.

Plus, even while some things can't be undone, you can ALWAYS start anew.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

my year...

I want you to know, tera, that I've ordered up another year for you.

Think I'll call it 2010.

I'm going to put most of the same people of 2009 in it, since you all think so much alike. But there'll also be a few new, very cool cats coming to play - give them some time to grow up though.

And I'm going to have things start off pretty much exactly where they left off in 2009, for continuity's sake. Flips folks out too much when I don't.

All in all, 365 more days in paradise... and only one request of you:



Let's do this!
Bigger than even your college degree, tera, since that's pretty much in the bag now...


Have you ever noticed how folks instinctively know that creating wealth is much more fun than spending it, yet they dream more about spending it than they do about creating it?

Could it be they've momentarily forgotten that they're supernatural, that they can have whatever they want, and that life is but a dream?