http://www.sjbikeparty.org/archives/1712
30-60-100 mile daytime bike ride! yeeee
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
It's working! Every day you're getting closer! Everything you've ever wanted is being pressed toward you. Everything is clicking. Don't let the illusions trick you. Don't let the events of today dampen your spirits. Things couldn't be any better than they now are. You couldn't have more reasons to celebrate. Now! Do it! The hardest work is done! Just show up, be present, open every door and let events unfold. Life is your stage. This is your parade. Together we can do anything.
Friday, March 5, 2010
things work out
Things Work Out
Poet: Edgar A. Guest
Because it rains when we wish it wouldn't,
Because men do what they often shouldn't,
Because crops fail, and plans go wrong-
Some of us grumble all day long.
But somehow, in spite of the care and doubt,
It seems at last that things work out.
Because we lose where we hoped to gain,
Because we suffer a little pain,
Because we must work when we'd like to play-
Some of us whimper along life's way.
But somehow, as day always follows the night,
Most of our troubles work out all right.
Because we cannot forever smile,
Because we must trudge in the dust awhile,
Because we think that the way is long-
Some of us whimper that life's all wrong.
But somehow we live and our sky grows bright,
And everything seems to work out all right.
So bend to your trouble and meet your care,
For the clouds must break, and the sky grow fair.
Let the rain come down, as it must and will,
But keep on working and hoping still.
For in spite of the grumblers who stand about,
Somehow, it seems, all things work out.
Poet: Edgar A. Guest
Because it rains when we wish it wouldn't,
Because men do what they often shouldn't,
Because crops fail, and plans go wrong-
Some of us grumble all day long.
But somehow, in spite of the care and doubt,
It seems at last that things work out.
Because we lose where we hoped to gain,
Because we suffer a little pain,
Because we must work when we'd like to play-
Some of us whimper along life's way.
But somehow, as day always follows the night,
Most of our troubles work out all right.
Because we cannot forever smile,
Because we must trudge in the dust awhile,
Because we think that the way is long-
Some of us whimper that life's all wrong.
But somehow we live and our sky grows bright,
And everything seems to work out all right.
So bend to your trouble and meet your care,
For the clouds must break, and the sky grow fair.
Let the rain come down, as it must and will,
But keep on working and hoping still.
For in spite of the grumblers who stand about,
Somehow, it seems, all things work out.
dreamer
Dreamer
Poet: Michelle Keesling
Climbing higher mountains
I will not descend downward
Until after I have conquered that fear
Clasping stars within my hands
They shall not stray from my touch
I am a dreamer
My wings lie in my mind
Where they allow me to divide the clouds
As I ascend through their cotton-like tufts
One cannot pierce my heart with any arrow
It is filled with pure bliss and compassion
No one will ever be able to seize that from me
Although at times my eyes may look wounded
My strength has never fled
Poet: Michelle Keesling
Climbing higher mountains
I will not descend downward
Until after I have conquered that fear
Clasping stars within my hands
They shall not stray from my touch
I am a dreamer
My wings lie in my mind
Where they allow me to divide the clouds
As I ascend through their cotton-like tufts
One cannot pierce my heart with any arrow
It is filled with pure bliss and compassion
No one will ever be able to seize that from me
Although at times my eyes may look wounded
My strength has never fled
PROMISE YOURSELF
romise Yourself
By Christian D. Larson
Promise yourself….
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
By Christian D. Larson
Promise yourself….
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
36 rules of LIFE
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
36. Your friends love you anyway.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
36. Your friends love you anyway.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Talk about magical rendezvous,
Right this very moment, on a distant farm, there basks a fig, a nut, or a berry, whose very life force will soon be your own. But that's not all...
Right this very moment, there's a gorgeous home on a splendid property with a spectacular view, whose roof will someday give you shelter. But that's not all...
Right this very moment, there are beautiful souls on your beautiful planet, whom you do not even know, yet through your meanderings and theirs, paths will cross, love will be shared, and eternal friendships will be created. I'm still not done...
And nothing you do, or don't do, can prevent these serendipities I've just shared, and so, so many more.
Amen, hallelujah, rock me Amadeus -
Right this very moment, on a distant farm, there basks a fig, a nut, or a berry, whose very life force will soon be your own. But that's not all...
Right this very moment, there's a gorgeous home on a splendid property with a spectacular view, whose roof will someday give you shelter. But that's not all...
Right this very moment, there are beautiful souls on your beautiful planet, whom you do not even know, yet through your meanderings and theirs, paths will cross, love will be shared, and eternal friendships will be created. I'm still not done...
And nothing you do, or don't do, can prevent these serendipities I've just shared, and so, so many more.
Amen, hallelujah, rock me Amadeus -
Friday, February 26, 2010
daily dose of inspiration
EXACTLY what I needed at a time like this:
I think you're amazing. I think your approach to life is dead-on. And I can't think of anything you've ever done that I wouldn't have done had I been in your shoes.
Still, beloved, I think we could have a little chat about visualizing more often. Seeing the end result in all its glorious detail, bypassing the cursed-hows, and feeling the emotions you expect to feel.
I think you're amazing. I think your approach to life is dead-on. And I can't think of anything you've ever done that I wouldn't have done had I been in your shoes.
Still, beloved, I think we could have a little chat about visualizing more often. Seeing the end result in all its glorious detail, bypassing the cursed-hows, and feeling the emotions you expect to feel.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
happy
Sometimes,having more fun and being happier comes from looking for each in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for them to come from where you've found them before or where others are now finding them.
And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.
Red hot smokin' love,
There's always a higher level to go when it comes to happiness
And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.
Red hot smokin' love,
There's always a higher level to go when it comes to happiness
Happy
Sometimes,having more fun and being happier comes from looking for each in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for them to come from where you've found them before or where others are now finding them.
And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.
Red hot smokin' love,
There's always a higher level to go when it comes to happiness
And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.
Red hot smokin' love,
There's always a higher level to go when it comes to happiness
Thursday, February 18, 2010
i'm kind of tired of waiting
Sometimes, when things take longer than you thought they would, it's just a gentle reminder from your greater self, that you have more time than you thought and that there's a journey to enjoy.
Like all the time in the world.
Besides, just because it's taking longer than you thought it would, doesn't mean stuff isn't happening, even as you read these words.
Like all the time in the world.
Besides, just because it's taking longer than you thought it would, doesn't mean stuff isn't happening, even as you read these words.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
daily dosage
You might call it spiritual logistics but sometimes you have to move away, to get closer.
Or you might just call it weird.
Either way, it helps to remember it from time to time.
And while we're at it,sometimes you have to let go, to stake your claim. Be still, to move forward. Give, to receive. Cry, to feel the joy. Pretend, to make it real. Fake it, before you make it. And sometimes, oddly enough, you must first decide to feel their love, to find it was there all along.
Or you might just call it weird.
Either way, it helps to remember it from time to time.
And while we're at it,sometimes you have to let go, to stake your claim. Be still, to move forward. Give, to receive. Cry, to feel the joy. Pretend, to make it real. Fake it, before you make it. And sometimes, oddly enough, you must first decide to feel their love, to find it was there all along.
Monday, February 15, 2010
fearless flower
A super-secret, double-reminder for all fearless flowers:
If you but soak up the sunlight you are given, drink each drop of water I send, and strive only to be yourself, life shall quicken in your roots, spirit shall raise you into the light, and your bloom will inspire the world.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
what the year of the TIGER has in store for the PIG
PIG
Anticipate exciting times. Tiger is compatible with one other sign outside Tiger's relationship harmony triad of Tiger, Horse, and Dog -- and that one sign is you! Tiger and Pig are allies so much luck is with you in all endeavors, including romance. Sensuous Pig loves wild Tiger who helps you when stuck with a problem or doubtful of which way to proceed. Under buddy Tiger's influence, Pig has opportunities for advancement, adventure, and travel. Dreams can be fulfilled. It's lucky for Pig to entertain and indulge a bit after Ox year 2009. But overspending and overindulging must be tempered because Tiger can live larger than life. This Tiger year starts a two-year window of very good fortune for Pigs because Hare year 2011 is also lucky for you.
Looking for love in Tiger year? Pig is most compatible with another Pig, Sheep, Hare, and Tiger. Serpent is least compatible.
The Way of the Pig:
Peaceful, optimistic, sensitive.
1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019, 2031
Pig is very intelligent, sensual, and self-indulgent. In China and Japan, the white (metal) Pig is associated with the moon and possesses the courageous qualities of a warrior. In the Chinese Buddhist novel JOURNEY TO THE WEST the good-natured Pig character, Zhu Bajie, symbolizes extreme sensual appetite. But Zhu Bajie is well-loved and respected because he openly admits to the indulgences that we all enjoy.
Pig is a strong animal known for its intelligence. A classic Chinese tale tells of a smart Pig who refused to work for the farmer who owned him. All the other animals labored: Ox plowed the field, Cat chased away Rat, Horse pulled a cart, Monkey carried the farmer's son to school on his back, Rooster crowed at dawn and Hens produced eggs, and Dog kept guard. But Pig just ate and slept - and ate and slept. Pig even complained about the quality of his food. Pig realized that he would have food whether or not he worked, so why bother to contribute? When Pig least expected it, the farmer sold him and his life of contentment ended. In this way, smart Pig defeated himself through his own cleverness.
The year of the Pig is a time of self-indulgence and fun. It is also a time of peace, understanding, harmony, and fellowship. Ease and enjoyment of the good life will be valued more than power and status. People can be kinder to each other in everyday interactions and feel little need for competition. Extravagant vacations, sumptuous meals, and lavish spending on luxuries and fine clothing are to be expected. Individuals tend to feel content and satisfied, ignoring the bills that accumulate over a Pig year. The following Rat year will be the time to face realities after Pig year indulgences.
from: http://www.susanlevitt.com/tao-thisyear.html
I AM BEAUTIFUL
Think that it's fun that you're guided, and that all is well; that there's time, that life is easy, and that the best has yet to come.
Think that the reasons that elude you will one day catch up, that the lessons that have stumped you will one day bring joy, and that the sorrows that have crippled you will soon give you wings.
Think that you're important, that you cannot fail, and that happiness always returns.
And think that you're beautiful
Monday, February 8, 2010
tallyhoooooo
When people see, for the first time, how everyone else on the planet is just another version of themselves - the same spark of God except for the pressures and desires unique to each life - some laugh, some cry, and some laugh until they cry.
May you live your life so that when this day dawns for you, you're among those who laugh and laugh and laugh.
Tallyho!
Now think about it.Why would they laugh? Yeah, because they discovered that their profuse love for others turned out to be a profuse love for their own supercoolhappyselves.
May you live your life so that when this day dawns for you, you're among those who laugh and laugh and laugh.
Tallyho!
Now think about it.Why would they laugh? Yeah, because they discovered that their profuse love for others turned out to be a profuse love for their own supercoolhappyselves.
daily dosage
Ever have that feeling that your life, your true work, has not yet begun?
Ever feel like you're here for something more than you've yet identified? And that a billion eyes are upon you, just waiting for the prophecy to unfold?
Hmmmmmm.......
And, have you also ever wanted something so badly that all your wishing, hoping, and praying kept you from seeing that you had it all along?
Yeah, tera, like times three! Your work has begun. You know exactly what you're doing. And your fans think you're just delish.
Ever feel like you're here for something more than you've yet identified? And that a billion eyes are upon you, just waiting for the prophecy to unfold?
Hmmmmmm.......
And, have you also ever wanted something so badly that all your wishing, hoping, and praying kept you from seeing that you had it all along?
Yeah, tera, like times three! Your work has begun. You know exactly what you're doing. And your fans think you're just delish.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's all downhill from here (in a good way).
Would you ever take a journey if you knew ahead of time that you'd become hopelessly lost, have your heart broken into pieces, and sometimes wish you'd never been born?
Now, how about if you knew ahead of time that on that very same journey you'd also find yourself, fall passionately in love, and live happily ever after?
Yeah, I know, you made the same choice a long, long time ago.
Now, how about if you knew ahead of time that on that very same journey you'd also find yourself, fall passionately in love, and live happily ever after?
Yeah, I know, you made the same choice a long, long time ago.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
i'll take a Bentley
People who do all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, no matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, simply have more fun. Way.
Of course, to the uninitiated it doesn't appear that way. To them it appears as if only those taking gigantic leaps, who drive cars with fancy wheels, have loads of friends, perfect bodies, and fly around the world in First Class Sleeper Seats, are having fun. But what they don't realize is that we're often talking about the very same folks, just at different points in their journey.
Coffee, tea, or a brand new Bentley?
You see, your unending baby steps will be matched by my own, and the next thing you'll know MTV Cribs will be knocking at your door.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Expecting "end results"
- such as wealth and abundance, health and harmony, friends and laughter - in broad brush strokes, is part of the secret formula for manifesting the life of your dreams.
Expecting your path to follow a certain route - such as writing a bestseller to accumulate wealth, having a particular someone fall in love with you, or insisting upon this idea, that diet, or the other invention to be your deliverance - is just plain messing with the cursed hows and severely limits my options...
Release any expectations you may have of how you think your dreams will come true, but by all means, with every fiber of your being, expect that they will, as you busy yourself enjoying who and where you already are
Expecting your path to follow a certain route - such as writing a bestseller to accumulate wealth, having a particular someone fall in love with you, or insisting upon this idea, that diet, or the other invention to be your deliverance - is just plain messing with the cursed hows and severely limits my options...
Release any expectations you may have of how you think your dreams will come true, but by all means, with every fiber of your being, expect that they will, as you busy yourself enjoying who and where you already are
Friday, January 15, 2010
truly, a gift
Some people just have big hearts. And with this gift they're very often able to feel, offer, and show far more love than they receive from those around them. Which, at times, is a heavy load to bear. The sun asks not that the moon and planets help brighten each day, but relishes her role as a keeper of the light and a bringer of the dawn.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
How to Celebrate a Beautiful Anniversary
I'm becoming more and more convinced that I should change my career to a professional special event card chooser(still thinking of a more appealing job title). When looking for a card, I spend more than a "normal" amount of time doing it. I just think to myself, what set of words really hits the heart. Everything you felt but couldn't think of the words to describe it and somehow, somewhere, someone did. <3
I LOVE CARDS!!! I know some people don't appreciate them...but I DO.
I chose this card for a couple who is celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
Recall the years you've spent together, making a home, building a life. Each year is a unique blend of ups and downs, fresh starts, and happy endings. Replay the memories. Retell the stories.
Reaffirm the friendship at the heart of your romance. To be loved for who you are is a rare gift. Hold hands. Laugh a lot. No matter how busy life is, make time for togetherness.
Reflect upon the lessons time has taught you. The importance of patience, the art of compromise. The healing power of forgiveness. Marriage takes effort and giving with your whole hearts. Be proud of what you have together.
Renew your commitment, knowing that a good marriage is a lifetime of "I do's." Savor the privelege of being companions on life's journey. Daydream about all that's still to come.
In this great big world, you each found just the right person to love, just the right person to love you. And you get to spend the rest of your lifed with that one special someone. On your anniversary and every day of your marriage.
Remember how lucky you are...and be happy.
I LOVE CARDS!!! I know some people don't appreciate them...but I DO.
I chose this card for a couple who is celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
Recall the years you've spent together, making a home, building a life. Each year is a unique blend of ups and downs, fresh starts, and happy endings. Replay the memories. Retell the stories.
Reaffirm the friendship at the heart of your romance. To be loved for who you are is a rare gift. Hold hands. Laugh a lot. No matter how busy life is, make time for togetherness.
Reflect upon the lessons time has taught you. The importance of patience, the art of compromise. The healing power of forgiveness. Marriage takes effort and giving with your whole hearts. Be proud of what you have together.
Renew your commitment, knowing that a good marriage is a lifetime of "I do's." Savor the privelege of being companions on life's journey. Daydream about all that's still to come.
In this great big world, you each found just the right person to love, just the right person to love you. And you get to spend the rest of your lifed with that one special someone. On your anniversary and every day of your marriage.
Remember how lucky you are...and be happy.
daily dose
It only seems like others have it all figured out, tera; that their challenges are simpler, their friends are jollier, and their grass is greener. But, tera, you should hear how they admire you.
And perhaps, tera, whatever others have figured out, it's because they get to have you as one of their jolly, green friends..
work it
jealousy
"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred & rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others & turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices & experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal & emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, & you can remember the pain & reach out to them." -Jennifer James
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
5 douchebag behaviors explained by science
There are men whose very appearance can compel you to turn your head in disgust, muttering the word "douche" in a long whisper. They're flexing in their skin-tight t-shirt, invading women's personal space at the bar and going on and on about their goddamn promotion.
For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag?" science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question.
#5 THE EGOCENTRIC DOUCHEBAG
The child who screams "Look at me! Look at me!" is all grown up and he can't wait to tell you about himself. You want to talk about the football game last night? He'll talk about how he quarterbacked his high school football team to the state championships. Wondering about a good place to grab a bite to eat? He'll tell you he can make reservations anywhere because he's the man. Concerned about poverty in Africa? Why the fuck do you care! This dude has banged like twenty models! Seriously, you're talking to a legend, and he'll be the first to remind you of this fact.
The Disorder:
Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. The disorder is characterized as an overwhelming desire to be noticed and willingness to engage in any attention-seeking behavior. This was the kid who was the first to jump off the high dive--if there was an audience to watch him.
These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. Those with HDP have a self-esteem that is dependent on the approval of others and they posses no clear concept of self worth. They're way more likely to lash out at criticism or disapproval than they should be. They'll flirt with anyone, any time. They tend to mistake any attention as sexual attraction ("I'm tellin' ya, she totally wants me, bro"). Their opinions are easily influenced by others, and they find it difficult to support them if pressed for details. They travel in packs.
The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thusly, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.
#$ THE WEIGHTLIFTING DOUCHEBAG
The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, we don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in our hands and watching our body turn to dough.
The Disorder:
Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". This mental illness is seen as a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe.
Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goal for some young men. They carry the notion of always being too "small" and "thin" into their adult years, after they've become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. Media has also had its impact, parading images of perfect pecs and washboard abs. Who honestly thinks that stuff is attractive? Seriously.
Alright, even we can admit that the occasional push-up, or marathon 25 turn Mario Party session on Wii can help you feel better, but for these men it's never enough. In 2000, researchers discovered a man who abstained from sex with his wife in order to focus all his energy on working out.
If you are worried you may have bigorexia ask yourself a few simple questions; How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror since starting this article? Do you think that Carrot Top "looks good but could use some work on his delts"? Does your desire for a ripped body make you act like a total douchebag?
#3 THE DRUNKEN DOUCHEBAG
This heavy-drinking ass stumbles around parties, slobbering on strangers and telling people how buzzed he is... after two beers. Later in the night, after he's polished off his second six-pack, he'll tell you he's cool to drive home, just after he finishes pissing on your living room couch. This guy never seems to know where he's at on the sobriety scale, although on the douche scale he's always a perfect 10.
The Disorder:
This guy displays signs of what is known as the Mallenby effect. Basically, this causes a person to overestimate the effects of alcohol during the first few drinks (called the "absorption phase" by people who study drunkenness) and will underestimate them later in the night (during the "elimination phase"). If you want to see this concept in action, buy a lot of nonalcoholic beer for a party full of teenagers. If drinking with teens isn't your thing (and legally it shouldn't be anyone's "thing") then check out most college frat parties where the masses will start screaming "WHOO!!!" within the first 15 minutes that the keg is tapped, long before their system has actually had the chance to absorb any alcohol into the blood stream.
Later, the same people will physically display all signs of being drunk, but will claim to be sharp as a tack, because, as they'll tell you, they drink so much that it, like, would totally take all the booze in this place to get them drunk. Then they'll plow their Mustang into a drainage ditch and take a swing at a cop.
#2 THE RAGING DOUCHEBAG
Don't step on his shoes, don't make incidental eye contact and don't talk to his girlfriend. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, don't talk to any girls because they could be his girlfriend, someday. It doesn't take a whole lot to set this type of guy off, and after he's pissed, screaming and swinging you'll wish you'd actually done something worthy of such a tantrum.
He's easy to pick out in a crowd, there'll be one man yelling while everyone else in the crowd exchanges confused glances along with sympathetic shrugging shoulders. He's the screaming one, the one trying to finish an imaginary fight with a person who didn't start it. A douche that can't be ignored.
The Disorder:
This is a classic case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. This guy is a time bomb, and nobody can see the timer but him--he can go off at any moment. Although his aggression normally isn't life threatening, it's really fucking irritating. Medically diagnosed IED is defined as a behavioral disorder characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive and violent outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation. Wearing a sleeveless rayon body vest while stinking like Axe body spray is common but unfortunately correlation does not equal causation.
A 2006 study by the National Institute of Mental Health has determined the condition to be more prevalent than previously thought, affecting around 2 out of every 25 adult Americans, most commonly seen in male youths. How the researches went about collecting data is not disclosed, though we hope they ruined many a striped shirt on nickel-beer-night while gathering subjects' reactions.
Cases of road rage, domestic abuse and destruction of property usually involve one or more parties with the disorder. Often those with IED will feel a great deal of regret or remorse if bodily harm or destruction of personal possessions occurs. It's uncertain if the same remorse is felt after chewing out a waitress for forgetting to refill a water glass, though the spit and pubes now hidden in the rest of their meal may balance out the situation.
This disorder can become a severe disruption in the lives of the afflicted but medications can be prescribed to help alleviate anger impulses. We are not licensed to give medical advice here, but if we were we'd suggest taking muscle relaxers, washed down with your favorite liquor, to help calm the nerves. Now go warm up in a hot tub and feel those angry thoughts drift away
#1 THE AGING DOUCHEBAG
It seems no matter where you go there's a grumpy asshole making things awkward for everybody. He'll bitch about why his coupons aren't scanning at the checkout. He'll complain when someone has an accent while in America. And that goddamn hip-hop is always too loud! He won't hesitate to tell you about how much better things were in the past, before the whole world turned against him.
The Disorder:
This man is suffering from what is known as andropause or "male menopause." It's a frustrated state accompanied by anxiety and anger resulting from a lack of testosterone, the production of which diminishes in midlife. The term "male menopause" can also be used as an early detection method, since most men with IMS will hear this term and respond with a loud grunt while shouting about "New Age psychobabble bullshit."
The onset of this disorder is common at ages 40 to 55 but may happen as early as 35 or as late as 65. Although, a definite age is difficult to pinpoint if the male in question has been a prick their whole life.
The development of IMS is also dependent on environmental factors associated with stress, such as uncertain financial security, strained personal relationships and whatever happens to be wrong with kids these days. The physical symptoms (which can include loss of sex drive, loss of physical strength and increase in body fat) only exasperate the sense of frustration and nervousness and increases behaviors that society classifies as douchebaggery.
There are free tests and screenings available online to check for IMS, but if you already have it, you probably think the internet is a waste of time for freaks and perverts.
For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag?" science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question.
#5 THE EGOCENTRIC DOUCHEBAG
The child who screams "Look at me! Look at me!" is all grown up and he can't wait to tell you about himself. You want to talk about the football game last night? He'll talk about how he quarterbacked his high school football team to the state championships. Wondering about a good place to grab a bite to eat? He'll tell you he can make reservations anywhere because he's the man. Concerned about poverty in Africa? Why the fuck do you care! This dude has banged like twenty models! Seriously, you're talking to a legend, and he'll be the first to remind you of this fact.
The Disorder:
Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. The disorder is characterized as an overwhelming desire to be noticed and willingness to engage in any attention-seeking behavior. This was the kid who was the first to jump off the high dive--if there was an audience to watch him.
These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. Those with HDP have a self-esteem that is dependent on the approval of others and they posses no clear concept of self worth. They're way more likely to lash out at criticism or disapproval than they should be. They'll flirt with anyone, any time. They tend to mistake any attention as sexual attraction ("I'm tellin' ya, she totally wants me, bro"). Their opinions are easily influenced by others, and they find it difficult to support them if pressed for details. They travel in packs.
The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thusly, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.
#$ THE WEIGHTLIFTING DOUCHEBAG
The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, we don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in our hands and watching our body turn to dough.
The Disorder:
Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". This mental illness is seen as a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe.
Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goal for some young men. They carry the notion of always being too "small" and "thin" into their adult years, after they've become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. Media has also had its impact, parading images of perfect pecs and washboard abs. Who honestly thinks that stuff is attractive? Seriously.
Alright, even we can admit that the occasional push-up, or marathon 25 turn Mario Party session on Wii can help you feel better, but for these men it's never enough. In 2000, researchers discovered a man who abstained from sex with his wife in order to focus all his energy on working out.
If you are worried you may have bigorexia ask yourself a few simple questions; How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror since starting this article? Do you think that Carrot Top "looks good but could use some work on his delts"? Does your desire for a ripped body make you act like a total douchebag?
#3 THE DRUNKEN DOUCHEBAG
This heavy-drinking ass stumbles around parties, slobbering on strangers and telling people how buzzed he is... after two beers. Later in the night, after he's polished off his second six-pack, he'll tell you he's cool to drive home, just after he finishes pissing on your living room couch. This guy never seems to know where he's at on the sobriety scale, although on the douche scale he's always a perfect 10.
The Disorder:
This guy displays signs of what is known as the Mallenby effect. Basically, this causes a person to overestimate the effects of alcohol during the first few drinks (called the "absorption phase" by people who study drunkenness) and will underestimate them later in the night (during the "elimination phase"). If you want to see this concept in action, buy a lot of nonalcoholic beer for a party full of teenagers. If drinking with teens isn't your thing (and legally it shouldn't be anyone's "thing") then check out most college frat parties where the masses will start screaming "WHOO!!!" within the first 15 minutes that the keg is tapped, long before their system has actually had the chance to absorb any alcohol into the blood stream.
Later, the same people will physically display all signs of being drunk, but will claim to be sharp as a tack, because, as they'll tell you, they drink so much that it, like, would totally take all the booze in this place to get them drunk. Then they'll plow their Mustang into a drainage ditch and take a swing at a cop.
#2 THE RAGING DOUCHEBAG
Don't step on his shoes, don't make incidental eye contact and don't talk to his girlfriend. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, don't talk to any girls because they could be his girlfriend, someday. It doesn't take a whole lot to set this type of guy off, and after he's pissed, screaming and swinging you'll wish you'd actually done something worthy of such a tantrum.
He's easy to pick out in a crowd, there'll be one man yelling while everyone else in the crowd exchanges confused glances along with sympathetic shrugging shoulders. He's the screaming one, the one trying to finish an imaginary fight with a person who didn't start it. A douche that can't be ignored.
The Disorder:
This is a classic case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. This guy is a time bomb, and nobody can see the timer but him--he can go off at any moment. Although his aggression normally isn't life threatening, it's really fucking irritating. Medically diagnosed IED is defined as a behavioral disorder characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive and violent outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation. Wearing a sleeveless rayon body vest while stinking like Axe body spray is common but unfortunately correlation does not equal causation.
A 2006 study by the National Institute of Mental Health has determined the condition to be more prevalent than previously thought, affecting around 2 out of every 25 adult Americans, most commonly seen in male youths. How the researches went about collecting data is not disclosed, though we hope they ruined many a striped shirt on nickel-beer-night while gathering subjects' reactions.
Cases of road rage, domestic abuse and destruction of property usually involve one or more parties with the disorder. Often those with IED will feel a great deal of regret or remorse if bodily harm or destruction of personal possessions occurs. It's uncertain if the same remorse is felt after chewing out a waitress for forgetting to refill a water glass, though the spit and pubes now hidden in the rest of their meal may balance out the situation.
This disorder can become a severe disruption in the lives of the afflicted but medications can be prescribed to help alleviate anger impulses. We are not licensed to give medical advice here, but if we were we'd suggest taking muscle relaxers, washed down with your favorite liquor, to help calm the nerves. Now go warm up in a hot tub and feel those angry thoughts drift away
#1 THE AGING DOUCHEBAG
It seems no matter where you go there's a grumpy asshole making things awkward for everybody. He'll bitch about why his coupons aren't scanning at the checkout. He'll complain when someone has an accent while in America. And that goddamn hip-hop is always too loud! He won't hesitate to tell you about how much better things were in the past, before the whole world turned against him.
The Disorder:
This man is suffering from what is known as andropause or "male menopause." It's a frustrated state accompanied by anxiety and anger resulting from a lack of testosterone, the production of which diminishes in midlife. The term "male menopause" can also be used as an early detection method, since most men with IMS will hear this term and respond with a loud grunt while shouting about "New Age psychobabble bullshit."
The onset of this disorder is common at ages 40 to 55 but may happen as early as 35 or as late as 65. Although, a definite age is difficult to pinpoint if the male in question has been a prick their whole life.
The development of IMS is also dependent on environmental factors associated with stress, such as uncertain financial security, strained personal relationships and whatever happens to be wrong with kids these days. The physical symptoms (which can include loss of sex drive, loss of physical strength and increase in body fat) only exasperate the sense of frustration and nervousness and increases behaviors that society classifies as douchebaggery.
There are free tests and screenings available online to check for IMS, but if you already have it, you probably think the internet is a waste of time for freaks and perverts.
high five me
The Classic
1. Always initiate. He who launches the high-five owns the high-five. Engage your upper-arm muscles, keep your wrist firm, and propel your hand like the meteor of awesome it is. (Maintain altitude and an open hand — this ain't no fist bump.) Your high-five can only surrender.
2. Don't look at the hand. That looming palm is a moving, unpredictable target. Instead, keep your eye on the elbow; that'll automatically line up your mitts.
3. Cup your palm. As you reach the high point of the arc, make your hand slightly concave to create that satisfying thunderclap.
The Todd
Is your hero the misunderstood, hypersexual surgeon on Scrubs? Divert attention from pending sex-harassment suits by courting favor with coworkers. Snip the sleeves off your shirt and give 'em some skin!
1. If your mark is reluctant, play the pity card, imploring him to "show the [your name here] some love."
2. Now hit his hand as hard as you can. You should hear a whip-crack.
3. Snap your fingers.
The Top Gun
Is your ego writing checks your body can't cash? You and your wingman require a sick move to show up those who don't feel the need for speed.
1. Initiate the classic move (impact at 12 o'clock), but make contact with only the outside edge of your hands.
2. Move your bogies past one anothers' and arc downward 180 degrees to slap a low five in the 6 o'clock position.
3. Howl, as if at the moon.
The 21 Jump Street
Sure, your crack team never lets the captain down, but how do you show you've got each others' backs? Why, a multiman high-five, of course. There's no actual slap here, but your crew does things its own way.
1. Stand in a circle and extend your right hands into the middle.
2. Wiggle your fingers while moving your hands upward in unison.
3. At the peak, form your hands into pistols and fire into the air.
1. Always initiate. He who launches the high-five owns the high-five. Engage your upper-arm muscles, keep your wrist firm, and propel your hand like the meteor of awesome it is. (Maintain altitude and an open hand — this ain't no fist bump.) Your high-five can only surrender.
2. Don't look at the hand. That looming palm is a moving, unpredictable target. Instead, keep your eye on the elbow; that'll automatically line up your mitts.
3. Cup your palm. As you reach the high point of the arc, make your hand slightly concave to create that satisfying thunderclap.
The Todd
Is your hero the misunderstood, hypersexual surgeon on Scrubs? Divert attention from pending sex-harassment suits by courting favor with coworkers. Snip the sleeves off your shirt and give 'em some skin!
1. If your mark is reluctant, play the pity card, imploring him to "show the [your name here] some love."
2. Now hit his hand as hard as you can. You should hear a whip-crack.
3. Snap your fingers.
The Top Gun
Is your ego writing checks your body can't cash? You and your wingman require a sick move to show up those who don't feel the need for speed.
1. Initiate the classic move (impact at 12 o'clock), but make contact with only the outside edge of your hands.
2. Move your bogies past one anothers' and arc downward 180 degrees to slap a low five in the 6 o'clock position.
3. Howl, as if at the moon.
The 21 Jump Street
Sure, your crack team never lets the captain down, but how do you show you've got each others' backs? Why, a multiman high-five, of course. There's no actual slap here, but your crew does things its own way.
1. Stand in a circle and extend your right hands into the middle.
2. Wiggle your fingers while moving your hands upward in unison.
3. At the peak, form your hands into pistols and fire into the air.
the BIG THING
The BIG THING rarely happens when you ask for it, nor does it typically come from who or where you expect. It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn't even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible to foresee.
So, chill. Be patient. Enjoy the moment. And let your friends, employers, and partners off the hook. Besides, they're going to have enough to deal with when the BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.
Patience is cool, really cool.
So, chill. Be patient. Enjoy the moment. And let your friends, employers, and partners off the hook. Besides, they're going to have enough to deal with when the BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.
Patience is cool, really cool.
Monday, January 11, 2010
snowboardskeeees
2 for 1 deal with 10 gallons purchase of gasoline from shell...YEEEEE
http://skifreedeals.com/
http://skifreedeals.com/
daily dose
Thanks, Tera, for every single time you ever fell in love.
Whether or not it was obvious. Whether or not it lasted. And whether or not you were loved back.
It changed everything.
Actually, Tera, you're always loved back...
Friday, January 8, 2010
starting new
Among inventions, the "Undo" button is right up there with the very greatest of all time, but it'll never compare to the "Do" button, from which worlds are born.
Plus, even while some things can't be undone, you can ALWAYS start anew.
Plus, even while some things can't be undone, you can ALWAYS start anew.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
my year...
I want you to know, tera, that I've ordered up another year for you.
Think I'll call it 2010.
I'm going to put most of the same people of 2009 in it, since you all think so much alike. But there'll also be a few new, very cool cats coming to play - give them some time to grow up though.
And I'm going to have things start off pretty much exactly where they left off in 2009, for continuity's sake. Flips folks out too much when I don't.
All in all, 365 more days in paradise... and only one request of you:
DREAM BIGGER.
Coolio?
Let's do this!
Bigger than even your college degree, tera, since that's pretty much in the bag now...
Think I'll call it 2010.
I'm going to put most of the same people of 2009 in it, since you all think so much alike. But there'll also be a few new, very cool cats coming to play - give them some time to grow up though.
And I'm going to have things start off pretty much exactly where they left off in 2009, for continuity's sake. Flips folks out too much when I don't.
All in all, 365 more days in paradise... and only one request of you:
DREAM BIGGER.
Coolio?
Let's do this!
Bigger than even your college degree, tera, since that's pretty much in the bag now...
dream
Have you ever noticed how folks instinctively know that creating wealth is much more fun than spending it, yet they dream more about spending it than they do about creating it?
Could it be they've momentarily forgotten that they're supernatural, that they can have whatever they want, and that life is but a dream?
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